I grew up in northeastern Ohio in a Christian family who went to church every time the doors were open.  My father was a deacon and Sunday School teacher while my mother taught Bible clubs and sang in the choir.  At the age of 5, during a revival service at our church, I "went forward" due to pressure from  a brother and prayed the sinner's prayer.  So I thought I was now saved and all was good. HA!

 

I had a great home life with a mom who was home all the time and was ready with a snack for me when I got off the bus each afternoon.  So, imagine my surprise, when at the age of eleven, I stepped down from the bus to find my father waiting for me!   At this point, I thought I was in big time trouble. Why? Well, because my mom and I had gotten into a horrendous fight that morning over me not getting up on time and making my bed. (Insert rolling eyes here!)  Dad offered to carry my books and book bag for me which I really thought was strange!  I was so confused that I didn't even notice that there were quite a number of cars in our driveway.

 

He then gestured for me to walk with him around the house. Again---STRANGE!  In my entire, though short, life this had NEVER happened before!  Then he stopped and looked at me with tears in his eyes.  "Lisa, your mom had a heart attack."  The words that changed my life forever had just been uttered.

 

Thoroughly confused, I asked if they had taken her to the hospital.  My poor dad just sighed and shook his head as he replied, "No, honey, she's now with Jesus."  I stood there dumbfounded.  I think he continued to say things to me, but I have no memory of what that might have been.  Then we entered the house, full  of our family and friends.  I will never forget my sweet pastor pulling me aside and talking with me.  Again, I don't remember most of what was said, but I DO remember that he talked about how, as a child of God, I could have peace in the midst of this storm.

 

Then I walked back to my bedroom---the catalyst of my morning fight with my precious mama.  You see, when she told me I had to make my bed even if it meant I missed the bus, I responded very rudely.  Then while stomping back to my room to make my bed, I muttered about how I hated her and wished she were dead.  SIGH. So when I saw my made-up bed, the guilt just washed over me, and I threw myself on the bed and started sobbing.  

 

Our family had been running a paper route for a little while, and we continued this after mom passed to Heaven.  I had a wagon that I pulled behind me full of newspapers. Our neighbors had to have been very concerned for me because I spent most of the route in tears and anguish.  Our peaceful, well-ordered home was no longer.  Now there were dirty dishes piled up everywhere, laundry undone, and my brother was trying to learn to cook

 

Three months later, my father was hospitalized with a massive brain tumor.  The doctor only gave him a 5% chance of surviving this surgery. No one told me that's what was happening---I found out by overhearing a conversation between my cousin and aunt.  This plunged me into a very dark place.  I was consumed with guilt and fear. Where was this peace that my pastor had told me God would give me?  I spent each night begging God to take me next because I could NOT live this life without mom and dad.  

 

Dad miraculously survived the surgery, but I was still struggling unbeknownst to anyone.  THEN I was diagnosed with scoliosis and was required to wear a bulky back brace 23 hours a day---in middle school!  Yeah, it wasn't a fun time, and I lost quite a few friends which made things harder.

I. Was. Miserable.

 

Begging God to kill me.

 

Then the Holy Spirit started nudging me.  Would I go to Heaven if I died?  By this point in my life, I knew that to be saved I needed to repent of my sins and ask God to save me.  And I knew I had never been serious when I prayed that prayer at the age of 5.  I had just done it to please someone else.  Thus the question. Where would I go if I died? And death was VERY real to me.  I had learned that ANYONE could die at ANY time, so I then became very scared that I would die before I could make sure of where I would go.

 

In March of 1980 our church was in the middle of revival services.  I don't even remember what the preacher said during that night's message; I was shaking the entire night just waiting for the altar call.  As soon as the invitation started, I went forward.  I prayed and confessed my sins to Jesus who washed them all away and saved me.  

 

I've heard testimonies of addicts who God saved, and they no longer were drawn to the addiction.  I've heard all kinds of HUGE stories.  I hadn't lived that kind of life, BUT God did a miracle in me! He took me from despair and anxiety to never-ending joy and peace.  That night I was able to go to sleep with a smile on my face and no tear stains. And you know what? That joy has NEVER left me despite all that life has thrown my way.

 

How about you? Has Jesus changed you? Would you like to have this never-ending joy and peace?  If so, I would love to chat with you.  Please reach out to me at: lizarmentrout@gmail.com